The Russian Rush
I saw it in a video
showed to me by my brother
who knows everything.
I sat (speechless) as an
extraterrestrial attack
ensued Mother Russia
in a massive catastrophe!
Thank God for cameras
or we’d miss fireballs
falling from the sky,
interrupting this daily life
we’d so ultimately die for.
I put myself in the video
alone, not with my brother
but on a mountain road
waiting for a death
I thought would be less bright.
What came instead was a
boom and echo loud enough
to blow windows and walls
to shards!
I imagined the Russian
me shitting himself in sheer
panic, relieved but shattered
by scorched air turned ablaze,
the stench would be horrendous.
Afterwards, I the Russian
would finally face life
unchained from myself
and become worldly...
After all, I felt all of that
from a crappy-quality video.
Later on, I saw an article
about Russians rushing
for and I quote, meteorites
worth
their weight in gold.
Sounds like the world
is back to normal, maybe
I should join them.
Memo: On February 13th a meteor entered Earth's atmosphere traveling 33,000 miles per hour, exploding over the Ural Mountains in Russia. This poem tries to highlight some of the feelings I had when I first saw a video showing the meteor captured by multiple camera phones, as well as my disappointment in the fact that the first article I saw about the meteor was about how people are trying to make money off of it. It was disappointing to me because at first I thought, "wow, maybe they'll take meteors more seriously, seeing as how that could have happened anywhere else and that we were really lucky this time," but I didn't see an article like that until a few days after the other one. As for the actual writing of the poem, I wrote most of it straight through underneath an hour, concentrating stanza by stanza, with little edits afterwards. In some stanzas you can tell where I payed a little more attention to language, assonance consonance, alliteration etc. more so then in other areas, but most just of the technique came out as I wrote. Although this is a close resemblance in other poems I write, I tried to sound a bit more sarcastic in this poem then in others, hoping that I could make a serious issue to me, sound not so serious and even hysterical to others.
I like the title, The Russian Rush… it fits perfectly in a number of ways. Also, the poem has good action throughout and the images (fireballs falling from the sky) are quite vivid. I found it refreshing that you “put yourself in the video”. That is a unique line, in that in a way you also entered your poem. I can picture you standing on a mountain road in Russia wearing a Russian Ushanka hat as the meteors whiz by deafening you. Maybe after the chaos you could rush for the gold and bring some back here!
ReplyDeleteensued, Mother Russia
ReplyDeletein a massive catastrophe!
The above phrase is awkward. Use a comma
no eclamation point after shards
sheer shitting shattered is unintentionally comic
In many ways this is more seamless than your other narrative poems, quite natural; it flows, and sounds artful enough to be
poetry but also sounds conversational, like real speach, and
that's what you want--to have both . . . DDL
and I'd lose the line about the stench
should be "I, the Russian," use commas
"rushing for, and I quote," use commas for parentheticals